Just Before the Beginning
Little flower–but if I could understand What you are, root and all, and all in all, I should know what God and man is.
As the fire burns my skin, I can’t help but laugh. Abram stands there, horrified, but I feel no pain. I overcame the pain long ago, but he still worries.
Look.
What is the most important piece of your life? Is it the people you love, the things you do, or the gifts you leave behind?
What does your face look like from the inside? Is that you in there or is it me?
I met a weak selfish man named Abram two years ago. He convinced me to lie, steal, cheat, and murder. He is an empty man, a confused devil, and he brought me to god.
Do you care if I live or die yet? Does my impending doom matter to you yet? Then why does yours?
There are sixteen feet between me and Abram. I could run to him and embrace him with the fire that sucks life from me.
What do you want and what do you believe? My skin is boiling because the heat is so hot. I see the first piece of flesh beneath. I breathe smoke.
Who is watching this happen?
Sixteen feet between awakening and darkness. I see everything but there’s nothing to say.
And so I sit in silence while the flesh burns and black smoke enters my lungs. I taste my burning body.
I have seen what happens to this body when I am gone; I have been where my spirit is going before.
They say enough fruit rots on the ground in the tropics to feed the whole world. I look at Abram and see myself.
I begin to pass out and I see this pattern repeating.
My mind is new to the world again, it grows, unfolds. It is lost, it finds its way. It repeats.
And so do I.
