Ishmael
Ishmael the Sacred Moo cow from India.
Ishmael the sheep herder was stuck again with the cows. It had been like this all his life, he dreamed of sheep all night. By day, he worked in the fields with cows. It was just his luck, dealing with inferior cows for his entire life.
Everybody in his country thought sheep were dumb. But he knew better. Sheep had style, sheep had class, and he was a classy guy.
In school, he had once written a paper, called, “The Cow and the Intellect”, where he proceeded to prove mathematically, cattle to be an inferior species, with an inferior meat, milk, and leather. He spent months on that paper, and that paper was even published in some pamphlet somewhere.
But none of that is relevant, because he lived in a land of cows, where a sheep hadn’t lived for a hundred thousand years. All there was is cows and corn. All he had was cows and corn. All he knew was cows and corn.
Maybe cows and corn doesn’t sound so bad to you, but to Ishmael, cows and corn symbolized a perversity of the highest order. He knew his land was made to support grazers, without work, without toil, but cows and corn required management and intellect and made people feel important and smart. So he secretly hated the cows and what they stood for.
The cows, of course, knew none of this. They just stood around, and talked to each other. They just stood and talked and pooped, and every once in a while, one would say:
“Moo Moo. Moo!”
These cows were just too dumb for smart old Ishmael. In fact, Ishmael had been planning for years, a revolution to upset the cow balance. Today, Ishmael was going to become important. Today, Ishmael was going to become a cow. Today, Ishmael was going to infect the cow mindset. He was going to become a cow to destroy the cows from the inside out.
Because Ishmael lived in a magical land. A land where anybody could become anything, at their own will. At first these things they became were only dreams, and then they became real. Like everything in this world, they were only dreams, then they became real.
And so Ishmael walked down to the sorcerer, asked to become a cow.
